How far I've come...

I know I take a lot of pictures of myself!  I guess I'm still trying to grasp how I really look these days!

Had to show my new size 12 shift dress.  I don't know if you can see the little twinkles from the diamontes at the bottom of the dress?  Otherwise it's pretty plain, that's what makes it so pretty to me.

I was worried it was a bit snug but everyone at work loved it, guess I will just have to keep reminding myself that this is all real! :D

So I was looking at some of my old blogs from CK that aren't here on my blogspot blog, I thought there were some real gems that deserve to be here, so today I add this one that I found, mind you these comments are from very early this year, but they still ring true for me and my journey.

Yesterday (this was back in January 2010) I got to thinking about how far I have come and all the things I learnt last year, some of the big ones include:

• That this is not dieting, dieting = deprivation which = failure
• Focussing on a healthy lifestyle
• Making better choices in food, exercise and lifestyle
• That this is for life NOT just for 12 months or 6 weeks or whatever
• That identifying your issues and doing something about them are two very different things
• Water is important
• An all or nothing attitude is about as helpful as the latest fad diet
• That these things that you learn can bleed into other areas of your life for the better!
• That I am a worthwhile person, who deserves to be happy
• That support really does help, but at the end of the day you are the one that has to do the hard work, and that is very satisfying
• That all those things you think you can never do really are possible
• That confidence and being truly happy makes me a better person to be around
• That I enjoy hanging out with myself again too
• That feeling this good REALLY does feel better than shoving a block of chocolate or a bag of chips in my gob
• That exercise makes me feel good and keeps me motivated to eat better and makes me want to do things I never thought I'd do
• To stop referring to myself as fundamentally lazy as that constant negative talk becomes truth if you don't stop it, and after the last couple of months I've proved that actually I AM NOT THAT!

So I am officially on holiday! Yippee!

A moment....

Because of my excessive training schedule of late (which thankfully is about to let up), I've been rotating 3 different sizes of workout pants.  My regular size 14's and what I thought were 2 12's but turned out one has a size 10 tag in them, and I didn't even notice!  Last night I had to retire the 14's as they were practically falling off me, even one of the girls I train with mentioned how baggy they were in the bottom.

So I thought I'd run up to Tar-jay and grab an alternate pair, of course there's a bunch of new things and I always like to have a squizz and see what's on sale, and there I was walking through the aisles looking at some of the new pretty summer dresses that are already hitting the shelves, and this lightbulb went off in my head.  For so many years I've looked at these clothes and wished I could wear these pretty things.... and in an overwhelming moment I realised I was no longer wishing, I could take the item right now and wear it.

Published!!!

Well how exciting was yesterday for me.  A few months ago I was approached by my boot camp companies publicity company, following that I spoke to a journalist about my journey including sending them some pictures.

But that was all I heard about it, I thought it musn't be going ahead, or I had too much to say! heheheheh, the next issue of the magazine came out and I all but forgot about it.

Yesterday I am standing in a newsagency and see the new issue of Australian Shape has come out, I look at the cover and there's a headline "How Nicole Dropped 40 kilos", I think hahahahah that's my name on the cover, but that can't be me because I didn't hear anything else about it.... so I flick through the mag and find the page and HOLY SHIT!!! It's me! hahahahahahaha

So I'm minorly disappointed that I wasn't able to update my weightloss and everyone at work has commented that I've lost weight again since the picture in the magazine, but what the heck am I complaining about!  I'm in a magazine! hehehehehe

Do you know how many times I read those stories and wished it was me..... A LOT!!! And now it is me!  And to top it all off it's the anniversary of losing my mum this week so how funny that it came out this week, a sign for sure as far as I'm concerned!

So I plan on writing to them when I hit goal with an update but until then my story will stand as it is right?!

If you want to check the article out it's Australian Shape magazine (it's new this year to Oz only the third issue), and I'm on page 20.  The bastardised a couple of my comments and a couple of minor errors but overall the spirit and idea is correct! :D

Off to training tonight where I'm sure my trainer will be grinning from ear to ear and probably have some new kind of torture waiting for me! hehehehehhehe

Make your life a mission, not an intermission...

There's an amazing thing that happens when you open up your life to change... even in struggle, the universe continues to send us signs, or even things and people we need.  The trick is in seeing them and making them count.

For me the other day it was the quote on training and applying how you train to life.

Today it was an article in the new Oxygen magazine, by Jennifer Atkins on embracing change....

This is my favourite paragraph:

"Something magical happens when we accept responsibility for our behaviour and our results.  This isn't easy because it's human nature to 'pass the buck.'  I know there have been times in my life when I was struggling to accept my circumstances where I found myself blaming others, blaming this, blaming that.  Now, when things go wrong in my business or personal life I can always find the culprit in the mirror.  In every instance, it's the choices I've made in my life that have put me exactly where I am today.  This one tweak in attitude may sound like a little thing, but it has made a big difference in my life.  

One of the most important things you can do in times of change is to understand that taking responsibility and recognising problems as a challenge or opportunity will help you grow and fulfil your true potential.  Do you know how remarkable you really are?"

It's that old cliche, when one door closes another one opens.... for years I  blamed everything and everyone else and even myself about my weight, I was lazy, it was too hard, I just liked chocolate too much.  I don't know what it was that changed but something clicked in me last year and I took the first steps to taking and accepting responsibility for me actions and choices, and this acceptance has led me here many kilos lighter, fitter than I've ever been.  

Now when I see articles and comments like the one above instead of pfiffing it and thinking sounds nice but it's all too hard I see them as green lights that are screaming... 'right on track,' and 'heading in the right direction'... sometimes it's uncomfortable and it hurts, but boy the growth and change and excitement and wonder has all been so worth it!

Remember:

"No one is in control of your happiness but you.  Therefore, you have the power to change anything about yourself or your life that you want to change."  Barbara DeAngelis

Post this on your fridge.....

I found this quote in a health magazine, when I was having a little coffee break at Gloria Jeans yesterday.... it really hit home with me at the moment as I have a lot of things changing in my life and it's thrown me a little, not because I'm opposed to change, just that when suddenly everything seems to be changing at once, you want it to slow down for a second so you can grasp it.  Anyway I'd been feeling sorry for myself and then saw this quote and it really hit me like a bullseye!

"How you train is how you tackle life.  Don't avoid discomfort; deal with it head-on to get stronger.  Learn how to work out with passion and that fire will carry over into everything you do."

Happy Thursday folks! 

Feel the fear and do it anyway...

One of the major things I uncovered on my journey thus far was how I numbed myself with food.  I mean I knew it all along really but the gravity of what I was doing only became apparent in the last 12 months. 

What I uncovered was although I was numbing my pain, fear and saddness, I was also numbing all my other emotions, happiness, joy, elation...  and I realised this when I stopped medicating myself with food I began to really really feel those emotions, I know I have come out of my shell more, I know I feel happier and thus I am a happier person in general, and also find that things that bothered me before don't bother me as much as they used to.  Not to say I don't get bothered, but I like to think I don't sweat as much of the small stuff as I used to.... :)

One Year Anniversary

It's been a celebratory weekend.  I started it off with a new PB on my 3.4km run beating last months time of 23:31 with a 22.20!

This weekend is the one year anniversary of the start of my journey.  And what a journey it's been.

Last week and this weekend I did some shopping!  It's so hard to stop!  But come on everyone needs two pairs of jeans right?  One to wear and one in the wash.... that's my excuse and I am sticking to it!

Food Planning for the Unexpected...

We all know that planning is a great tool when embarking on a healthy lifestyle, it helps us to keep on track, and can help make doing all those things we are supposed to do a little easier.  It's when we get tired, don't plan or find life getting in the way that our planning can fall away and sometimes we do to. 

But there are things we can plan for, for when our plans fail us.  That's a mouthful or an oxymoron, but it's true, we can be prepared for the unexpected.  A little research can turn a nightmare situation into an opportunity to enjoy ourselves but not ruin our efforts.

There's a lot of too and for arguements against fast food and "healthy" fast food options as to whether they really are the better options, all I can say is do a little research for yourself, have a stock pile of options that YOU know will work for you and your goals so when you find yourself with no other choice, well we all know that in reality there is always a choice! ;)  These still might be considered as sometimes foods in Elmo's world, and yours, but you don't have to pick the greasiest, fattiest sometimes food, that leaves you feeling like crap or worse still hungry afterwards!

Live Life Love...

There was a question on the Calorie King Forums over the weekend, a young girl nervous about going to Melbourne to visit her family, worried she may succumb to unhealthy food choices and no exercise. 

The consensus was that she should go, use the time to put into practice the lessons she's learnt, use the free family babysitting as an opportunity to get out and exercise.

Then there was devil's advocate who stated if she was that worried she should not go until she had reached her goal.  This struck a nerve with me and let me tell you why....

As a chronic, (ex) yo-yo dieter I have spent the majority of my life putting stuff off, or dreaming about how great my life will be when I reach my goal.  I've spent years not going on family vacations to the snow, no longer horse riding, avoiding dating, among many other things hiding myself away from the world. 

Here's the thing, firstly your life will likely be very similar when you reach goal, but you will be lighter and healthier.  Here's the kicker losing weight won't make your problems go away, BUT developing a more positive outlook on life will likely make these things easier to deal with, they WILL likely still be there though.  I say this because I've seen quite a few people lose weight only to put it back on because their problems didn't disappear with their weight, or their life didn't change into a perfect fairytale. 

Elmo Says...

I know it might seem odd, but I was listening to my morning radio show in the car one morning and they were interviewing Elmo... you know from Sesame Street.  It was something to do with encouraging kids to eat healthy all the like.  He said in his squeaky little voice Elmo says Cookies are a sometimes food and Apples are an everyday food.  It really hit a chord with me.  It was then I made the decision (and yes it is a choice and a decision) to stop viewing food as good or bad, or naughty and boring all those connotations that send us spinning into that All or Nothing Attitude if we have the bad or naughty food. 

A healthy diet is about balance.  Sometimes this balance has to be learnt, but their is no denying that if you completely deny yourself you are likely to return to old habits quickly and efficiently.  Now a days I don't feel bad if I have my cake and eat it too, I just don't have it every day.  I'm mindful when I eat it, and I stop when I am full because I know I can have some again another time if I want to.

I've quickly discovered that the longer you eat well, and eat enough the more of everyday foods you want.  Recently I thought I felt like some KFC so off I went and had some and when I was finished I thought... is that it?  The joy and pleasure I thought I used to get out of it, was gone, the shine and polish rubbed away, I'd much prefer a nice mango and some yoghurt or a yummy steak with a pile of salad.  Sometimes I'm not sure who this new me is but I like her!  She's much more enjoyable to be around.

See if Elmo says it simply enough for kids to grasp why is the concept not good enough for us adults?  I've decided it's simple enough for me...  what about you?

I've seen my excuses, now what? (How to get over yourself)...

Make sure you've read Excuses, Excuses, Excuses first, as this is like a part 2'er!

So I've been having a little think about my excuses post and I suppose the next logical question would be once you've identified them, how do you put not accepting them into practice. I've had a long hard think about this especially as reading the forum can drive you a little insane with excuse after excuse after excuse just falling out from people. There's a mirad of strategies you can employ different ones work for different people you may have to try one or two before you find the one that hits home for you, but you know what the first thing is that you have to do.... the thing I realised I had to do.... you have to GET OVER YOURSELF. Get out of your own way, stop humming and ahhhing and thinking about all the reasons you have for not doing it or for not succeeding before, get off your arse and just DO IT! Nike were not stupid when they took this up for a slogan.

It may sound harsh but it's really true you have to get over yourself before you can make any steps in moving forward. I realised one day I was just over it, I was sick and tired of being fat, it was making me miserable it wasn't helping reach any of my goals, it certainly wasn't helping me meet someone to share my life with but what it was doing was leading me straight into an early grave or a reality TV show on how one day I woke up and couldn't get out of bed!

I guess you have to find that part of you that wants to be healthy much more than being fat, much more than that momentary feeling of pleasure or comfort that food gives you, you have to find those feelings from somewhere else.

Excuses, Excuses, Excuses...

This was a guest blog over at That's Just How I Roll, I've left Jess' comments in because her comments and examples further illustrate my points! :D

Excuses, excuses, excuses.... it took me a long time to realise what mine were, now I see them everywhere in a lot of other people and I get frustrated… oops, I think I’m supposed to be more compassionate! But truly you can only lead a horse to water you can't make it drink... so cliché I know but SO TRUE. A lot of people are so caught up in the next quickest fix they can find, they really don’t want to HEAR the reality of the situation, you just seriously want to shake them up and say if you put half the effort into eating well and exercising than you did in researching and trying to take a crack at the latest fad thing you'd be closer to your goal than you are ever going to be!

Why are we so full of ourselves when it comes to these things, human nature, protection, emotional safety, ignorance, I don't know for sure... I think for me it was a mixture of all of them yet I don’t think I was ignorant I had the knowledge I just didn’t use it. I just know that since I have taken responsibility for my own excuses, it annoys me to see others covered in them. Like a reformed smoker, I guess in part I’m a reformed ex–dieter. What is that thing they say when you have that feeling about a new person you meet that you don't like them, it's usually that you see something in them that you don't like about yourself.... philosophical much?